Sad days, and remembering the loved ones.

Just under 3 weeks till CP....very nervous, and i hope oakley behaves (have to see how he is with the other dogs for assessment), and i hope they recognise i do need the help of one. I have noticed over the past year my health has deterioated, and not neccessarily being 'ill' as you all know i can be...more in the sense of my walking ability is worse....most days i walk with my crutch now..and i didn't used to use it ever, picking things up are almost impossible now, dropping things are more frequent, and i feel like i am in the ageing process, where you see a family member get hard of hearing, doesn't see things so well, needs information read to them because they haven't got their glasses...you understand what i mean? :L
I am thankful i have found my personality though now....a few of you know i would change the style i wore, the way i spoke, the way of thinking....either really confident, or would be absolutely nervous of everything, e.g i took on the sherlock persona very strictly, i used to do another character from a t.v programme. I do very much believe being ill distorted those decisions, and made them prolonged to 'find myself'.
I have learnt a lot over the past year. I have found who my true friends are, what i want to do in life, what i am good at, how to cope with being ill, how to release frustration and annoyance in the correct way, to be a hell of a lot more patient with others and my wonderful guardian angel of a dog, Oakley.
I have learnt i can't be the most confident person in life, and there will be times where i cannot do things, but generally if someone is pissing me off i will stand up for myself, and i would not of had the confidence to do so a couple years ago.

I have also learnt, life...is so, so precious. There are many things i want to in life, and i know and have come to terms with being ill means i cannot do half of the things i want to, but i have started a bucket list because i very much need a goal in life. I have at least something for every important aspect in my life. I won't bore you with the details unless you ask for another post to be done of it :)

The reason for this post, is because tomorrow would have been, and still is in many ways, my grandmothers birthday. This will be our 5th birthday without her. I very much miss her, and my only regret in life is that i did not get to spend more time with her....i know i did as much as possible in my short life, but it will never feel like enough. There are so many things i would love to have shown her, and share with her, and the fact i have lost a lot of family since her death, means it is so much harder as i was very close to them.

Sorry for the rant and the boring update of myself....but tomorrow will be a sad day for our family xxx